My Letter to Lupus 

Dear Lupus, 
You came into my life with asking, without an invitation. You came in and made it known by all that you were GOING TO BE THE CENTER OF ATTENTION. Who asked you to come? Who asked you to come into my body and take my life away?? I sure as hell didn’t. 
Looking back you made yourself known and reared your ugly head the first time when I was in highschool. Although no one called you that. They just said I had mono forever. I always wondered why the simplest tasks made me exhausted and the people around me could go for hours. It was because of you LUPUS. 
You went away for several years for the most part and I was grateful. Then again in my head I wondered why I could never stay up as late as kids my age or couldn’t run like the kids my age etc. it was bc of you. Damn you.

Finally five years ago you officially made your move. You moved in for good. Although we never discussed this. I never agreed to this. I didn’t give you a key or clear out a drawer for you. Instead you just made yourself welcome. Since that day long ago. You’ve made my life or a good part of it a living hell. I have lost several friends because they think I don’t want to see them or that I’m just full of excuses as to why I don’t want to go out to the bar after work. Or because they simply don’t understand when I say I’m tired it’s not just lay down and take a nap tired it’s pure exhaustion. The one thing you’ve taken away from that hurts the most is the fact that I can’t see my baby sister play most of her games. Because of the heat. And it literally has broken my heart. 
You came and brought along uncontrolled pain (at times) long term steroids (leading to weight gain) inability to be in the heat or sun, sleep issues, and a plethora of other very undesirable diseases that go hand in hand with you. I can’t thank you enough for your generosity. You’ve done enough. Now go away and take all the “gifts” you’ve brought with you that are also not welcomed here.

One of the reasons I hate you the most is because between you and your friend endometriosis I will no longer be able to carry my own baby. And I’ve never wanted anything more than to be a mother. But because of you, your side effects of the drugs I take to treat yoh and your friend endometriosis that’s no longer possible. My lifelong goal gone in a second.

You can also take adrenal insufficiency and Hemiplegic migraines with you. Because of the three of you I had to quit my job and move home with my parents. Because you were all being so mean. My blood pressure would stay in the 70’s and 80’s and I spent more time in the ER than one person ever should because I thought I was having a stroke.

I’m tired of all of you. Tired of the medications, the depression, the anxiety and most of all the pain.  I never asked any one of you into my life, yet you are all here. You have changed my life in so many way I can’t even count. I’ve lost the majority of my local friends. I can’t finish my dream degree to teach nursing school because of you and can barely hold down a job. You need to pack up and get the hell out of my life! GO. GO I tell ya!!

I live by the verses.

Philippines 4:13 I can do ALL things through Christ who strengthens me.

Isaiah 41:10 So do not fear I am with you; do not be dismayed for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you. I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.

-Amber

7 Replies to “My Letter to Lupus ”

  1. I think we can all agree Lupus sucks. The one and only thing that I’m grateful for through all of it is the many lovely friends/sisters that I have met along the way. Even those that I have yet to meet face to face know me better and can relate more than people I have known in my whole 36 years on this planet. Thanks for sharing this. Love ya

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