Dear World….

Hello world! This one is for YOU!!

No matter how hard we try there are always going to be some level of judgement within. But most of us keep that judgement to ourselves, and don’t stare people down or make comments when we think they shouldn’t be using that wheelchair, or parking in a handicapped spot or even just wearing a mask out in public. That being said many people don’t keep those judgments to them self and they make the rudest comments. Today this post is directed to those who can’t keep their judgments to themselves.

Yes, I know what you are thinking when you see me get out of the car that I just parked in a handicap spot. You look me up and down and then proceed to think, “There’s nothing wrong with her why would she park there!” And some will even glare or make comments. By looking at me all you see is what looks like a healthy lady in her thirties who’s only issue is that she is overweight! However, you CAN’T see my Illness! It’s INVISIBLE!! Meaning you may not be able to tell I have anything wrong by seeing me or even talking with me, unless I’m wearing a mask, or limping or even wearing sunglasses inside or using a cane or wheelchair. Otherwise there is no physical manifestation you will see!

You don’t know that even getting out of bed is hard. Getting dressed and ready is exhausting. And could take several hours just to get to point of walking out the door. Due to needing to take multiple periods of rest! By the time we finally make it to wherever we are going, whether it be a restaurant or a place to shop, we have no energy or spoons left AT ALL! You can’t see that it’s hard to breath, and my heart is beating way faster than it should. You can’t see the HORRIBLE migraine I am suffering from. Or know that the lights in the store or from the sun are making my head hurt that much worse. Or that the urge to vomit from said headache gets stronger with every step and movement!! But yet you continue to whisper and make comments and stare me down.

You don’t know that I woke up with a pain level of 8 and even after taking my prescribed dose of medication. I am still at a 7. You can’t see that every step is agony and every time I have to grab the cart to push it in the grocery store, that pain radiates through all my fingers, hands and up my arm! You can’t see the pain that is in my back and pulsating with every movement. Yet you still continue to stare and make comments and judgements.

You also don’t understand pain meds. You don’t understand that we would all rather do anything else than take pain meds. And NO most of us are not addicts and should not be treated like we are. If 99% of you were in our shoes you couldn’t do half of what we do. Because we have gotten used to the pain and know that I can’t stay home in bed just because I hurt. Because, if I did that I would never leave the house!!

I love when you see my mask and you turn around and go the other way because you are fearful for CATCHING WHAT I HAVE. Well, in this case the JOKES ON YOU!! The situation is actually the opposite. I wear this mask to prevent CATCHING what YOU have! You don’t know and can’t see it, but my immune system is to busy fighting off my body to worry about fighting off any germs i in contact with. What you may think is a just a small cold for you, could potentially put me in the hospital or even kill me! So I have to protect myself from you and the world!

And you will never understand what it’s like to have to stay in your home for weeks on end because the flu is running rampant in your area! What it’s like when you see people on social media and wish you could be out having fun. While instead you are stuck in your home because the flu for someone like me with Lupus could KILL ME!

The public will never understand the invisible illnesses. In general people will forever think that if there is no outward sign of illness, or pain (like a cast on a leg or a person on oxygen) they will most like assume that you are fine…..JUST LAZY! Which couldn’t be further from the truth. That has been the thought process for many many years and it will be hard to change. In general, the public doesn’t understand any illness that they can’t see. And we understand that. What we don’t understand is the need to make hateful and judgemental statements. How does that help in any situation?!?

I’m going to wrap this up with a few statistics for you regarding the invisible illness. And give you something to think about. Approximately 10% of Americans have a medical condition that could be defined as an invisible disability. And 96% of people with chronic medical issues, live with a condition which is INVISIBLE!! And most of those people don’t use a cane or assistive device that would show they are ill.

Perhaps after reading this someone will think before they judge! Hopefully, they will hold their tongue before making a rude and hateful comment. I know that’s wishful thinking, but I would hope that seeing this Information would make them think. If this reaches just ONE person who will change their thoughts about people using handicap spots or a wheelchair than I’ve done my job!!

With Love,

Amber

8 thoughts on “Dear World….”

  1. I’m sorry that you have to deal with judgemental people. If only we were all kind….

    I suffer from endometriosis and am childless not by choice due to infertility. The judgements others have placed on my “choice” of lifestyle… Well, their comments can be very hurtful. But finding a tribe of people like me, who understand, who get it… Well, that has been amazing!

    We just have to keep speaking up in an effort to educate. Like you, if I can make just one person think, then it is worth it!

    1. I know your struggle as well I am childless due to endometriosis and lupus. I couldn’t live without my lupus meds and they aren’t safe for pregnancy. And it does hurt when people tell me that I’m getting older I better start having kids. That hurts.

      1. I’m so sorry. People say some very unkind things, often without thinking. I have lots of resources on my blog, if you’d like to connect with other cnbc folks. Sending hugs to you…

  2. Wow you describe things so well! I get terrible looks sometimes when I come out of disabled toilets. I used to try and explain why I use them, but I don’t bother anymore. It’s not anyone else’s business! Great post xx

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