Giving up? Or Giving in? Have you every really thought about the difference or how either one could impact your life? I think it’s safe to say that most haven’t put much time into the meaning or impact of those two similar statements. And if they have it’s probably because they are staring adversity in the face. For anyone who has ever gotten a piece of news that was life altering, whether it be about a job, their health, or their family, giving up has probably at least crossed their mind. The same goes for anyone living with a chronic illness. The diagnosis in and of itself can lead to feelings of wanting to throw in the towel. Not to mention living with that condition for the rest of your life. Eventually we will all come to a point in life where we have to decide if we are going to give in and make changes and learn to live our life to the fullest or give up and throw in the towel!
So whats the difference between giving up and giving in? For many giving up causes them to feel as though they have failed. Like they weren’t strong enough to be able to handle the situation at hand. While giving in is more like surrendering. It is more like you are accepting that you can’t change certain things and are open to finding a way to deal with the situation that is positive and can be done within your limitations.
Lets take a moment and look at some examples of the difference.
Giving Up: “The pain is just to much! I can’t handle it. I am done trying to do anything but stay in bed.”
I know we have all felt like this from time to time and that is okay. That being said if we want to continue doing the things we like to do we have to change our mindset and put a different spin on how we look at our pain. Because for many chronic pain is going to become the new norm of sorts, so staying in bed for the rest of your life isn’t a valid option.
Giving In: “I know I cannot control my pain level as much as I would like to. I am sad and frustrated but I will show myself some grace. I will rest when the pain is bad, and do all the things in my power to deal with the pain. I know the pain may slow me down, but it doesn’t have to completely change my life.”
There are going to be days when the pain is at it’s worst and you are going to want to give up. And that’s okay. A day here and there where we feel defeated is natural. But to live the life we want to live we have to change our mindset and not allow the pain to change the things we enjoy or who we are at our core.
Giving Up: “I can no longer do the job I loved so much, therefore I am useless”
This is a BIG struggle for many with chronic illness. When our lives are impacted in a way that we are no longer to do the job we loved it is easy to feel useless. Although it is likely that you are your own worst critic and no one else is viewing you as useless.
Giving In: “I wish I could continue to do the job that I loved so much, but that is just not possible at this point. But maybe I can find a job that I enjoy doing, that is less physical and will not cause my disease to flare.”
Losing the job you enjoyed so much is hard and chances are high that you will question your self-worth. That’s okay for a short time and then you need to realize that you didn’t give up your job you gave in. Take some time to mourn the changes that occurred and then start looking for something you can do that is better for your health. It is likely that when you find something that is better for your health it will also be better for your psyche.
Giving Up: “The girls are going out to dinner and dancing. I won’t be able to keep up with them dancing so I just won’t bother going at all.”
It is hard when you can’t keep up with your friends and do the things you used to love to do. We have all been this person though, we feel like since we can’t enjoy all the activities shouldn’t go at all. It is easier to say you can’t go rather than leaving in the middle of the evening when everyone is having so much fun.
Giving In: “I know I will never make it long enough to go to dinner and then dancing with the girls, so I will just go to dinner.”
Even though it often feels like we shouldn’t bother going for just part of an evening out it really is a good way to give in. You don’t have to give up on the whole night out with the girls, you just do what is best for you. It is good for you to get out of the house and spend some time with your friends.
Don’t get me wrong, there are going to be hours, days or even weeks where you just want to give up. You’ve had a bad day, your condition is flaring, you are in pain and crawling into bed and hiding from the world seems like the best option. And while it is a natural reaction and okay to do for awhile. It is not good for you or your health to live in that negative space. There are things that we will give up on, like friendships or relationships with people who didn’t care enough to stay around once you got sick. But, that is something that we didn’t chose to give up, they did. We can never change someone else’s thoughts or feelings, and if you try chances are you will fail. In situations like that it is better to give up and move on rather than putting time and energy into a failing relationship. In the long run you have to focus on YOU and what is in your best interest. Doing things that make you happy and won’t cause your disease to flare. If that means missing a night out here and there, or quitting a job that is too hard for you to continue doing then that is what has to be done. In the end we all need to find a way to show ourselves some grace and give in not give up.
5 thoughts on “Giving Up or Giving In”
I really love this post, Amber! I often think of this in terms of “giving up” versus “letting go.” (I wrote a blog about this, if you’d like to read it – http://notsomommy.com/childless-why-did-you-give-up/ ) After reading your post, however, I really like the idea of “giving in” because it is a way for us to show acceptance. Thank you for giving me a different perspective on this!
I will read that for sure. I love your blogs! I had a totally different and much more negative post written originally but I didn’t love it. I slept on it and re wrote it and loved it! Funny how a nights sleep can change your point of view.
Yes, a good sleep is often needed to get some perspective. I’m so glad that you found a more positive point of view… Because this post is really awesome! 🙂
This is an important distinction, Amber. One that sometimes is counter-intuitive and different from what we might expect! Another related issue is acceptance of chronic pain. I fought that for years, but when I did accept it, I was less frustrated. Thanks for sharing!
That is true. That is a good topic for me to put on my list.