If I had a dime for every time I’ve been told by a friend or family member that they didn’t want to tell me something or invite me to something because I’m sick, I would be RICH!! I’ve been left out of all kinds of news and events over the last few years! News about a new baby or a new job, or that someone lost a job or was struggling with something, or being left out of a fun night out. All because I am sick. I know that my friends had the best of intentions, but I’m just a normal person! I can handle anything you don’t want to tell me. In fact I am more impacted when I am left out more than when they share worrisome news.
Yes, it’s true I have chronic conditions, some of which are impacted by stress, but it’s my stress not your stres. Just because you are stressed over your news doesn’t mean I will be. I totally understand why people don’t always share their news with me. They think by not telling me it will protect me from undue stress. When in reality not telling me makes me worry more and tends to make me more upset. I may start to worry that we aren’t friends anymore or that you are angry with me for some reason! Learning that I wasn’t told makes me feel like I was never given the opportunity to share in your good news or support you through the bad.
Just because I am sick doesn’t mean I don’t want to know all the things about my friends. It also doesn’t mean I can’t be happy for them. For instance, I know some people who feel that those who can’t have kids wouldn’t want to be told about a new pregnancy. They assume that by telling me that it will make me sad and frustrated. It’s true that I will probably never be able to carry and give birth to my own kiddo, but I’ve come to terms with that. While I may be slightly sad when you tell me you are pregnant, that doesn’t mean I can’t be happy and excited for you!! I still want to attend baby showers and buy the baby gifts. And I will always want to snuggle with a brand new baby!! I understand the reason for not sharing but PLEASE don’t leave me out!!
Don’t leave me out when you are making plans for a girls night out either. I may not be able to attend because of a migraine or a respiratory infection or a flare. But I still want to be invited. Finding out via social media that you’ve had something exciting happen or that you had a night out and didn’t tell me, makes me feel bad. I would much rather hear your good news from you than second hand or from social media. It’s much more sad and hurtful to find out that something big is going on with you and I didn’t hear it from you!
I know that chronic conditions aren’t always understood. People don’t know what might make your condition flare or what increases your stress. And that’s okay, I personally don’t expect them to. That being said, never hesitate to ask me about my condition. I will always be glad to tell you about it and what impacts it!! I will always be real with you as well! I won’t make excuses to not see you or go to dinner, I promise to always tell you what’s really going on. And please don’t feel like you can’t tell me something because I am sick!! Even at my worst I will still be excited or happy for you. Or help you talk through something you are going through. Above all I am still me, I am just me with an illness
With Love,
Amber
Thank you for this post, Amber. I had to be very specific with some family and friends that I wanted to be invited. Even though we may not be able to attend (because we live far away, because we don’t feel well, because I’m just not emotionally able to deal at the moment), I still want to be invited. I do want to share in the joys and the struggles!
Yes!!!!